The only time when life adds pomp in our boring monotonous life is when we have a wedding invitation card lying in our postbox. Almost the entire colony comes to know that you are attending a wedding party. Your preparations go parallel with the bride and groom. Parlour, shopping, working out, we try to do everything in a short span of time. Clad in your best saree or dressed in your best suit, you get ready to attend the big fat Indian wedding. Being in the spotlight is our prime goal but when we finally reach the party, we meet a range of people there who give us a plethora of experiences. After all it is not an Indian wedding if you don’t get to see diversity there. So today I will enlist eleven types of people you will commonly find in an Indian wedding. Find out the category you belong to.
These people are the most predominant ones. One out of every two invitees is a foodie. They really don’t care who is getting married or what is actually happening around, their main destination is the place where food is served. They enter, take as much food as the plate can hold and they jump on it. They are not ashamed to take multiple servings. They try to balance the price of the gifts with the food consumed. These people usually know the menu even before the marriage is fixed. Soon after eating, they leave the place without informing anyone. Sometimes they take an extra paan along with them.
THE PSEUO BRIDE
These people loot Zara and Art Karat as soon as they receive the invitation card. They make special group on WhatsApp to verify which Galen or saree is suiting them the most. They invest all their save money in professional make up and hairdo. They make sure nothing goes wrong. When they enter the wedding party in their flashy attire, an imaginary breeze blows, there is imaginary hooting and cheering but people actually get bewildered about the fact that who the original bride is. No matter what you wear, you will always be overshadowed by them.
These people sometimes make us loathe Indian weddings. Some of the annoying relatives land here and narrate all our childhood stories right from our embryonic stage. They think we are transformers and cannot accept the fact that we are physically same. Either we have grown taller, fatter or our moustache has grown bushier. They need to remark on the slightest change we undergo, which sometimes even remains unnoticed by us. They even narrate their own love stories like how they met for the first time in their own wedding. Nothing can stop them even if you stuff their mouths with food.
THE JURY MEMBERS
God has given few people the extraordinary power to criticize everything. These people make sure that they use their special powers everywhere. So they apply their skills in Indian weddings too. They enter the reception as if they are the panel of judges. Their eyes scan everything including the glass of water from which they occasionally take sips. Then they start comparing the food, venue, bride and groom with their previous experiences. The hosts tremble at their sight. These people are hard to satisfy and they even find it difficult to trust the purity of snacks you are eating at the wedding. They can judge the cost of dresses and food from a mile. These eagle-eyed people should literally come with a warning sign. They are the nightmares of every Indian wedding.
PRIEST’S LEFT HAND
These people are usually the septuagenarian who know the mantras better than English alphabets. They make sure all the customs and rituals are performed. They are doctorates in getting people married. In case, the priest faints or gets sick out of hunger, these people come handy. These people are usually very orthodox and don’t like the modern trends like DJ. But these people help us preserve our culture and actively get engrossed in the ceremony for which so many people have gathered. To be honest, these people are the only ones who know the meaning of the wedding vows and other rituals.
With their expensive DSLRs and infinite megapixel camera phones, they try to take their best photographs which they can upload on social media and get uncountable likes. These people download the best selfie apps ten days before the wedding. They don’t care how they look in real life their selfies should just look good. The flashes from the phone overpower the light and glitter of the wedding hall. Behind them you will find people pouting, making duck faces and giving poses for fake candid. They take selfies with everything and everyone in the wedding hall including the panda dustbins.
THE DEPRESSED SOULS
These people are the ones who secretly loved the bride or groom once upon a time. Sometimes they are the relatives who are not contended with the bride or groom. They can even be the jealous souls who are frustrated with their conjugal life. You will find them sitting in a corner with their mobile phones in their hands. The light from the mobile screens make their sad faces visible. The only way you can make them happy is by gifting them Harry Potter’s invisible cloak.
THE BRIDE AND THE GROOM
Sometimes in the glamour and grandeur we forget to mention the bride and the groom who are the stars of the night. Both of them exchange glances once in a while to make sure whether they can bear each other for the rest of their lives. If noticed carefully, you might even find future brides and grooms there whose wedding you will be attending next. After all, in India one marriage leads to another.
DANCE INDIA DANCE WINNERS
These people are the ones who enter the wedding venue with “London thumakda” energy level and begin dancing as soon as they hear music. They dance like no one is watching them and as if there is no tomorrow. Their keen interest to dance and the energy level is no less than the participants of “DANCE INDIA DANCE.”
These are the ones who are ever ready to brag and boast about their own achievements in order to gain popularity among the relatives. They will boast of the brand they are wearing, the flight they have taken to reach the wedding venue and the gift they have given to the bride and groom. It seems that they leave no stone unturned to prove their superiority and class in front of other guests.
THE UNINVITED GUESTS
They secretively come to the wedding venue to relish the delicious food served at the weddings. These people are generally the school and college students who have taken inspiration from the epic scene of the movie “3 Idiots” where Aamir Khan and his friends enter someone else’s wedding as uninvited guests just to eat the food served there.
Thus, here was a list of some of the most interesting people we commonly find in our big fat Indian weddings. We hope everyone has found the category to which he/she belongs.
Let us know which category you fall into the”Types Of People You Will Find In An Indian Wedding” by dropping a comment below!